For the best friend who stayed

I’m sitting on the floor with you because that’s where you seem most comfortable now. The house is quiet in the way it gets when everyone has had their fill of noise. You’re lying on your side, breathing slow, your eyes opening now and then just long enough to make sure I haven’t gone anywhere. I haven’t.

You move differently these days. Cautiously. Like each move costs more than it used to. I see it when you stand, the wince when you circle before lying down, when you choose the shortest path instead of the familiar one. I wish I could explain what’s happening to you, but you’ve never needed explanations. You’ve always trusted me to handle the parts you couldn’t understand.

I want you to know, I noticed everything.

Not the big moments people brag about in pictures, but the special ones only we were privy to. The nights you stayed close when sleep wouldn’t come to me. The way you followed me from room to room, not because you needed anything, but because it mattered where I was. The patience you had for my silences. For the days when I was present in body but not in spirit.

You never made me earn your love and loyalty. You gave it freely, every day, without hesitation. I didn’t always deserve that, but you never seemed to notice.

I’m sorry for the walks I rushed. For the times I checked my phone instead of playing with you. For every moment I assumed we had more time and spent it carelessly. If I could gather those hours now, I’d give them back to you and let you decide how to use them.

You’ve been brave in ways I don’t know how to comprehend. You hurt quietly. You don’t complain. You still look at me the same way you always have, like I’m someone worth trusting. That faith is heavier than any pain I carry.

I don’t know how much time we have left. I won’t promise things I can’t control. But I can promise this: I refuse to let you be alone. If the days get smaller, I’ll make my world smaller with you. If you get tired, I’ll sit with you in that tiredness for as long as you need.

You were my best friend long before I knew what those words could mean. You kept watch over my worst days. You guarded my life and my home. You asked for nothing except a place near me. Loving you has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

If you’re ready before I am, I’ll understand. If you need more time, I’m here for that too. There’s no hurry. No pressure. Just us, the way it’s always been.

Rest now.
I’ve got you Bud.